BOLD | MESS
For the past few weeks I have been deeply embedded in the process of learning, and (perhaps even more so) of unlearning. During the unfolding of this process I have discovered something within me of which I had not a single prior inkling. This discovery was one of an inherent boldness I had not known before.
| BOLDNESS |
the willingness to take risks and act innovatively; confidence or courage | the quality of having a strong, vivid, or clear appearance
"Bold" has never been a word that would surface among the waves of my thoughts whenever I reflected upon myself; it was a seed that, according to me, was just not planted within the soil my character. To be bold and confident, I believed, meant to be fully informed, with all ducks in a row and certainly without fear. I am learning, however, that boldness is not necessarily a seed, but rather (or in my case at least) it is a fruit, and that perfection is not a prerequisite of boldness. The last few weeks that have passed have been testimony to this. In stepping out in faith, boldness began to rise within me. In taking risks, without the bedrock of confidence, courage began to blossom. And in taking the leap that I was so afraid of, a daring sense of fearlessness caught fire. Faith in the truth that God is opening doors that no human hand could open and guiding me more into the dreams he sowed in me while in my mother's womb; faith in the certainty that Holy Spirit is ushering me - this is the faith that has brought me into a harvest of boldness. And as I delight in this ripened fruit, even more courage and confidence springs forth from within me.
Everyday I am finding myself immersed in opportunities to exercise this new-found boldness, and everyday it becomes more and more of an organic unfolding. The more I find myself in nerve-racking situations, the more I am caught off guard by the intrepidness that blooms, and by the courage that engulfs my once fearful, timid being. My limited perception of boldness is being shaken as I bear witness to the confidence that flourishes despite not having my ducks in a row.
--- "Besides never putting God in a box; we should never put ourselves in one either. God is forever preparing us for the path He has laid out for us, and the person you were yesterday isn't the person that He intends to go through the door of today. It is 'who He has made you today' that is to go through today's door - for it is 'who He has made you today' who is prepared, even if you do not know it yet."
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These words; the ones my parents would often say to me; have transformed into a living truth that is almost tangible to me. I am learning to let go of the walls of my own box, that I have found such shelter in, in order to grow into who God has made me to be in this new season. In exploring this newly realised boldness, I find myself closer to the King than I have ever been. I think this is less to do with courage and boldness, and more to do with allowing myself to be shaped and moulded into whomever He intends me to be at this present time. I must not let myself be limited to who I was yesterday, all the while pushing forward in my "bold-mess".